I don't know why.
Why did you hurt me?
Why couldn't you love me?
Was I so awful?
Was I so bad?
Did I make you cringe so?
Am I not pretty?
Am I not nice?
Am I not good enough for your grace?
Do you so hate to look at my face?
My questions are infinite,
You cannot comprehend.
You hurt me so badly,
I can barely stand.
My pride is damaged,
my self image shot
But the thing that hurts most,
the most tender part?
Is that above all things,
you broke my heart.
I wrote this after I did something really sweet and romantic for a guy in a play with me. I bought him flowers in a clear box, and added candy and a card telling him how amazing I thought he was as an actor and a singer. It was pretty innocent. I didn't even ask him out. Just a fan gift at best.
We hardly knew each other. He was a year older than me. It was our first play together, and we weren't even in scenes together. But when that boy sang, oh how he melted my whole world. Going back I look at pictures and dude was a straight up goober. He probably blew me off because he had no idea how to deal with it. And later I found out he was gay.
But at the time, I had no understanding why he was avoiding me, wouldn't look at me, and basically pretended I didn't exist. If me just admiring a guy could lead to such disgust, how awful must I be?
Silly kids.
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